Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
