And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
