I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
