Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm both gender and math confused
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
