the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
