You're my little dorito
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
