Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
