Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
