we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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