OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
