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• (260): View more from Indiana

  So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  Are your eyes okay

  (260): View more from Indiana

  I mean if I was Asian they would be

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• (631): View more from New York

  This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.

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• (818): View more from California

  The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...

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• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (408): View more from California

  This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same

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