I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.