So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same