he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.