Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
