How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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