You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
we should paint friendship bongs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
