i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
