I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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