GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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