you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
