i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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