please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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