look no pants
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
