My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
