Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Randomize
