dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
