3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
