Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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