Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
