Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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