Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
