Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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