omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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