I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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