How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
