You just made me feel so damn special
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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