I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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