Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
