I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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