Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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