i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
