I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
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I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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