your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
