you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
