my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
