"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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