Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
