Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
