I think i peed on brittanys purse
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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