dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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