I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
