giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
