Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
