discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
