Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
