would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
