I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
