I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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