Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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