Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
