so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
