i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
smell my finger.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
