he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
