my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
