before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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